The Basics on Style

Forget finding "your style." It's time to build your own damn uniform.

That phrase "find your style" needs retiring. It implies a pre-packaged set of codes hidden in some digital bush or boutique rack, just waiting for your discovery. It fuels the endless scroll, the closet full of clothes that feel like costumes, the nagging sense you're playing dress-up in someone else's life.

Stop searching.

Start constructing.

With all due respect, friends…knock off the archaeological dig. You’re building architecture here. You're building the damn thing. Brick by considered brick!!!

The fantasy sold is effortless discovery. The reality? Effort. Honest, sometimes uncomfortable, deeeeeeeeply rewarding effort. This kind of work demands looking past the seasonal noise and influencer prescriptions toward the raw material of you and the blueprint of your actual life. This is how you move beyond mannequin mimicry into territory that feels undeniably yours.

I’ll break this up into phases because isn’t that what life is, anyway?!

Phase #1: The necessary carnage (aka a closet autopsy)…

Before dreaming of additions, confront the existing structure. Open that closet, honey. Turn on the briiiiiightest light and start excavating that thing. You’ll start down a path of sentimental reminiscing. But keep one thing in mind: the phase you’re in right now is more of a tactical demolition.

1. You’re now entering the territory of the "someday" graveyard: Be merciless. If it hasn't touched your skin in a calendar year (excluding true black-tie emergencies or that single perfect winter coat), release it into the wild. "Someday" is a myth that breeds clutter and quiet despair. It whispers of a fantasy self that distracts from the bodacious one you actually inhabit.

2. Now you’re creeping into the "almost" zone: Eliminate the near-misses. The jeans that kind of fit if you stand perfectly still. The blazer that pulls across the shoulders and doesn’t layer right worth a damn. The shoes that promise glamour but deliver nothing but agony after 20 minutes. These are your little agents of self-doubt. They chip away at confidence every time you see them hanging there, unworn or endured. Set them free into the wild, too.

3. The guilt anchors: That expensive mistake. The itchy, gifted sweater you loathe. The sale rack triumph you never actually liked but it was a steal of a price. Every glance is a tiny tax. Donate them, sell them, set them ablaze (metaphorically, mostly). Free the space…. both physical and mental.

What survives the purge? The faithful warriors. The pieces you instinctively grab and search for in your hamper. The t-shirt that drapes juuuuust right, the tailored pants that make you walk taller, the sweater that feels like a second skin. This is your foundation.

Not aspirational clutter. Real, functional, confidence-boosting gear.

Study this curated core. What fabrics dominate? What silhouettes? What colors consistently make you feel alive? Consider this your honest bedrock. Your starting point.

Phase 2: blueprinting from within ( aka mining your real life, not the feed)

Forget moodboards curated from strangers in Parisian cafes. Your most potent style DNA is buried in your own history and your gritty, Tuesday-morning reality.

1. Cast your mind back. Before the world imposed its "shoulds," what did you genuinely adore wearing? A taffeta skirt? Black chunky boots? The freedom of some worn, ripped jeans? That pure, unselfconscious delight is a primal clue. It points to textures, sensations, shapes, or feelings that sit deep in your core aesthetic wiring. Don't dismiss that feeling… reinterpret it.

2. Scour your own photos. Skip the posed perfection. Hunt the candids where you were caught mid-laugh, deep in thought, simply being. Where you looked utterly yourself, unaware of the iPhone lens. What were you wearing? What worked about that outfit? Mine for that style gold. That’s your authentic energy captured, and who cares if you’re posing awkwardly or if you’re caught at a bad angle.

3. I asked myself this tough question recently: Who are you actually, most days? No fantasy allowed. Office warrior wrangling spreadsheets? Parent perpetually in motion, heading back & forth to Trader Joe’s when the traffic is shitty and you haven’t yet showered? Remote worker needing couch-to-call credibility? Your style needs to serve this life, not the imaginary one where you brunch daily in silk Sleeper luxury party pajamas. Define your core uniform requirements and build around that truth. Resisting it breeds frustration and unworn heaps of clothes adding to the clutter within your closet space.

Phase 3: intentional assembly with a few non-negotiables

Now you build. Every new piece is a deliberate brick.

• What makes your body and spirit feel good? Is it more natural fibers (linen, cotton, wool)? Specific colors that accentuate your complexion? Unrestricted movement (not everything needs to be leggings, and yes, I love me some leggings too)? Define your fundamentals and it’ll become your style constitution. Never compromise on these. Ever. This is the foundation of true fashion confidence!!

• Shift the acquisition mindset and ditch 10 flimsy trend pieces for 1 exceptional thing that speaks directly to your mined instincts and non-negotiables.

  • A faded pair vintage Levi's.

  • A chunky, artisan-made hand-knit sweater

  • The hot girl pair of trousers – comfortable, sharp, making legs look a mile long.

  • A single, wow-moment piece of jewelry

• Here’s the counterintuitive secret: Repetition is rebellion, y’all. Embrace the power of having your own uniform. Think Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy’s arsenal of clean lines. Patti Smith’s uniform of white shirt, black trousers. Bowie’s constant reinvention within his own fiercely defined visual codes. Find combinations that work for you and wear them. Do this relentlessly!!! A signature look can serve like a declaration. It signals self-possession and potency. Having the right pieces worn with absolute authority is the ultimate flex.

Phase 4: dabble in a bit of flair + mathematics. Don’t be scared of color, either.

• I’m so sick of hearing “high/low”. Sure, pair the investment bag with thrifted denim. But go deeper. Slip that delicate lace blouse under a battered leather biker jacket and couple an oversized, nubby fisherman’s sweater + sleek satin trousers. Texture + layers + color = creates visual interest.

• More on texture: mix matte + gloss, rough + fluid, heavy + light. A silky slip dress beneath a coarse, oversized knit. A crisp poplin shirt tucked into buttery-soft black leather leggings. Corduroy meets satin. This adds instant, sophisticated depth, like visual storytelling through fabric.

• Permit one piece that feels slightly off, deeply personal, maybe even jarringly "incorrect." Maybe that’s a chunky, mismatched vintage brooch from Goodwill. Ruffled ankle socks peeking from impeccable tailoring. A cowboy belt cinching a washable silk dress. This is your signature flourish!! It broadcasts that you’re not following a style manual, you’re just creating your own.

My hope is that you’ll appreciate how I’m cutting through the fluff. I’m tackling the real pain: wardrobe overwhelm, fashion identity crisis, feeling like a fraud in your own clothes. People exhausted by superficial trend lists will find substance here.

Stop searching. Start building. Wear it and dig your heels in!

What’s the first brick in your style foundation? Share your cornerstone piece below...

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